I really believe holding is harder then letting go. I wonder if he loves me. I've been so stressed, to much to handle. I was told almost two weeks ago that I was suffering from manic depression. I didn't want to hear that; my boyfriend knew it everyone saw it, I wore it like a name tag. School has started the people are great I have become close with a few people. There is just this one particular girl; she is a really nice person, but I just don't understand her pitty parties? If you think about it everyone somewhere has it worse then you do. I know I have it great compared to many people. It just makes me mad because I have problems to just like any other normal teenager but hers are worse because..well who knows but the funny thing is, is that they are no worse then mine. I know I'm rambling but I just have no one to talk to. Christopher and I are drifting; he doesn't say "I love you" anymore; the way he use to and when he does it's not the same and I don't know why. Am I loosing him, am I not holding on tight enough, should I loosen my grip? What should I do?!I can't even think of not being with him, for the first time in nine months; I cried, when I tried to see my life with out him, it was impossible infact it was heartbreaking. I tried so hard but everytime I closed my eyes I could only see him and the MINUTE I said "picture it with out him" I cried, that never happens. I'm suppose to be strong, not weak. Crying is a weakness I'm not suppose to show it. God I miss him, I love him, my world is not complete with out him by my side, and my life is well empty with out him. I want to marry him and I just, I FRICKEN LOVE YOU CHRISTOPHER. I don't know if I am overthinking everything, I'm sure I am but, I'd rather over think then be oblivious..right?
Well write back soon
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