I have never felt

so alone, so unwanted and so..sad. Tonight has got to be the worst night of my life. I went over to my moms to visit and one thing led to another and now my family thinks I am pretty much in need of a counsler. I was upset, so I said things I wasn't thinking striaght. I'm sure if any teenager had to hear their mother say, "well you are fat" to thier face it would deffinatly break you down just a little bit, maybe a lot. My mom told me I was fat. I don't want to eat anymore, I don't want to face this alone but I have to. I gave all my friends away pretty much I pushed them so far away I can't get them back. I have a few close ones but I miss all my friends. I'm not saying I want to die, but I am saying I want to get away, I want to be part of a world where no one knows me. I want to be in a world where no one exists. It would be one lonely place but hey couldn't be much worse then what I have here. I hate knowing that at any given moment all my happiness can be taken away. That is why I never want to be happy. I have become that girl who wakes up in the morning looks at herself in the mirror for a good 15 minutes picking out things she hates about herself. I pick out the smallest things that no one else can see such as the way my eyes are, or the freckles on my face. These imperfections I see change from day to day and I hate it. I know that people talk about me and how rude and stupid and bitchy I am but they don't know me. When I was talking to my mom on Sunday night, after my dad came over cause she called him cause I was "out of control" she made a clear point to me and my dad, "you asked her to grow up at the age of 12" I see that now, I was asked to become an adult at the age of 12 I was not allowed to experience that childhood all my friends had. I was taking care of my dad and now I feel like I have lost that role. When I was 12 and my parents first split up I was everything to my dad. I was his best friend, his confidante, his girlfriend (not in that way you sick fucks), and his daughter. Now that he has remarried I have lost that, I don't know what my role is anymore, I don't know what my place in his life is other then his daughter. At the age of 12 I was holding on to the lugage of a 18 year old. I was no longer a child. I told my dad what he had done and he said "Charlotte I was asked the same thing when I was seven" I thought to my self, if thats how it was for you, why would you want that for me, I want wish I still had my childhood, I wish I could go back and just be a child and have no worries. I don't know what to feel or what to do, I do know tho that everything I have kept in for 5 years is finally coming out. It is all finally being shared, but I wish I had someone who fully understood, because as of right now, not a single person knows how I feel.